What is Gender-Based Violence?
It can happen to anyone in different forms, and the problem is often overlooked, rationalized, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is something other than physical.
Anyone can be abused, regardless of their identity, history, or circumstance, but women, girls, Two Spirit, trans, and non-binary people are at highest risk of experiencing gender-based violence.
The Facts on Gender-Based Violence
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Every 3 Days
In Canada, women are 6x more likely to be murdered by her partner after she decides to leave. As of 2020, a woman is killed by her intimate partner every 2.5 days.
Every 11 Minutes
Globally, approximately 81,000 women and girls were killed in 2020. About 47,000 (58%) of them were murdered by an intimate partner or a family member. This means that a woman or girl is killed every 11 minutes.
In British Columbia
Over 1 million women experienced physical or sexual abuse as a teenager (at age 16). Over 1,000 physical & sexual assaults against women happen each week. Every year, more than 60,000 assaults are committed; almost all of which were committed by men. Only 12% of assaults are reported to the police.
Children are Assault Victims
Girls experience physical and sexual violence at much higher rates than boys, and more girls aged 10-17 are hospitalized for mental disorders compared to boys the same age. In 2012, 81% of all sexual assault victims in Canada were girls younger than 18 years old; of these assaults, 11,000 were reported to the police.
Children Witness Abuse
In Canada, every year approx. 800,000 children witness a woman being abused; 30-40% of children who witness the abuse of their mothers also experience direct physical abuse themselves.
Violence Online
Hospitalization for mental health has increased amongst teens due to online hatecrimes, cyberbullying, cyberstalking, and negative impacts of social media. As we slowly learn to combat cybercrime and maintain safety online, suicide still remains the 3rd leading cause of death for girls aged 10-14, and 2nd leading cause of death for girls in their late teens.
What is Gender Equality?
It means equal rights, responsibilities and opportunities for all genders (UN Women). Our rights, responsibilities, and opportunities should not depend on or be limited by our gender. The interests and needs of everyone are valid and important. We believe that violence against women and children is not simply a “women’s issue.” This is a societal issue – yours and ours – and addressing this issue will ensure a better future for all of us.
Violent behaviour is the abuser’s choice
Despite what many believe, domestic violence and abuse is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over their behaviour. In fact, abusive behaviour and violence is a deliberate choice made by the abuser to control you.
Abuse can include, but is not limited to:
- Patterns of intimidation, degradation, isolation, and control with threats of violence
- Psychological and/or emotional abuse
- Physical or sexual abuse
- Financial or economic abuse
- Harassment and stalking
- Online or digital abuse
Use this checklist below to determine whether your relationship feels abusive to you.
- Feel afraid of your partner much of the time?
- Avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- Feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
- Humiliate, criticize or yell at you?
- Treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see?
- Blame you for their own abusive behavior?
- Have a bad and unpredictable temper?
- Act excessively jealous and possessive?
- Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- Constantly check up on you?
- Threaten to take your children away or harm them?
- Limit your access to money, the phone, or the car?
Links and Resources
Click on the titles below to find local available resources.
How to Support a Friend
If you are worried about a friend that you think may be in an abusive relationship, here are some tips for helping effectively:
Set up a time to talk. Try to make sure you have privacy and won’t be distracted or interrupted.
Let your friend know you’re concerned about her safety. Be honest and specific. Tell her about times when you were worried about her. Let her know you want to help.
Be supportive. Listen to your friend. Keep in mind that it may be very hard for her to talk about the abuse. Tell her that she is not alone, and that people want to help.
Offer specific help. You might say you are willing to just listen, to help her with childcare, or to provide transportation, for example.
Don’t place shame, blame, or guilt on your friend. Don’t say, “You just need to leave.” Instead, say something like, “I get scared thinking about what might happen to you.”
Help her make a safety plan that includes getting out safely.
Encourage your friend to talk to someone who can help. Offer to help her find local support. Offer to go with her to the agency, the police, or court.
If your friend decides to stay, continue to be supportive. Your friend may decide to stay in the relationship, or she may leave and then go back many times. It may be hard for you to understand, but people stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. Be supportive, no matter what your friend decides to do.
If your friend decides to leave, continue to offer support. Even though the relationship was abusive, she may feel sad and lonely once it is over. She also may need help getting services from agencies or community groups.
Keep in mind that you can’t “rescue” your friend. She has to be the one to decide it’s time to get help. Support her no matter what her decision.
Be there for your friend no matter what. Abusive partners will often actively work to alienate people who are supports in the woman’s life. Even if she stays in the abusive relationship – especially if she stays in the relationship – she’ll need friends.
Get support for yourself through the Women’s 24-Hour Support Line, so that you can stick it out with her. Women often lose the support of friends and family who become frustrated with her decisions. That just increases her isolation and only serves the abusive partner.
To speak to someone at NSCSS, please call our office at 604-987-0366 or our 24-Hour Women’s Support Line at 604-987-3374.